


Stupid humans

by PhantomGrimalkin



Category: Incredible Hulk (2008), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-19
Updated: 2012-05-19
Packaged: 2017-11-05 16:05:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/408368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomGrimalkin/pseuds/PhantomGrimalkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce likes Tony, but doesn't want to do anything about it. Hulk decides to take a more direct approach.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stupid humans

It was hard not to like Tony Stark. Sure, he made some enemies in his time, but the man's charisma, startling intelligence and good looks made it hard not to like him. Or maybe it was just Bruce who had a hard time with it.

Bruce and relationships didn't mix, he knew that much. And Tony had more than enough reputation for Bruce to know that he wasn't one for commitment. The reputation also spoke solely of women, which caused Bruce to assume that all the flirting Tony did with men was something else.

Although orientation hardly played a huge part in this, because Bruce knew that a relationship was a bad idea and that even if Tony were into men, he'd be into attractive men. Not gangly scientists who shopped second hand because his clothes kept getting destroyed thanks to his anger management problems.

Still, he couldn't help but like Tony. The flirty teasing Tony directed his way didn't help this, but it was just the way Tony was and not something to read too much into. For all it hurt, having a hopeless crush could also be a little fun. The fluttery feeling he got when Tony looked at him, finding his jokes funnier than they had any right to be, it was nice in how normal and human it was.

Unfortunately, it was also painful, and a kind of pain he wasn't used to having. After a few months of this, the pain got to be a bit more than he could handle during one of his more self-loathing episodes, and the other guy took the stage. He was working in the lab with Tony at the time, and Tony was flirting with Bruce and it got too much.

"The hell?" Was all Tony said when he noticed the change happening, keeping a safe distance while trying to work out what just happened. Nothing unusual had happened, certainly not enough to set Bruce off that badly.

"Hey there, big guy," Tony added after the change was complete, and Hulk just raised an eyebrow at him. No sign of anger or impending property destruction, that was different.

"Metal man," Hulk grumbled, then sat still for a few moments, still watching Tony, looking like he was thinking carefully. "You... What feel for Bruce?" The words came slow and measured as Hulk tried to get them right. Grammar wasn't something he usually concerned himself with.

Tony swallowed nervously, not sure what answer to give. And not just because the wrong answer could end with him getting thrown into a wall. He smiled weakly, "He's a great guy, I like him fine. I like you, too, you know, same with all the team."

Hulk watched him for another moment, still looking oddly contemplative, "Like Bruce how?"

"We're having that conversation, then," he said quietly, crossing his arms and looking away, "If this is about the flirting- I'll just stop if it makes him that uncomfortable."

"Answer." The word was growled, almost threatening. Most people would probably be running the other way at that. Tony knew that Hulk could get a lot more threatening if he wanted to, this was still a civil conversation.

"Why? I just said I'd lay off- you don't have to smash me for that, it doesn't matter how I feel, I can keep it in my pants just fine."

Hulk leaned back and brought a hand up to his forehead. "Stupid humans."

Having the Hulk call Tony Stark "stupid" was a sobering experience, it would be laughable to most people. Tony didn't really feel like laughing, though. He paused, thinking about the situation, "Wait, does Bruce like me?"

Hulk nodded slightly, bringing his hand back down and going back to watching Tony carefully. "Answer," he repeated, it was much calmer this time.

"I will," he promised, "but I'd like Bruce to be the one I tell."

There was a grunt of agreement, and Hulk leaned over until his face was only a foot from Tony's. "If hurt Bruce, Hulk hurt you." Hulk kept his voice level and expression as neutral as a giant green rage monster could manage.

"I'd expect nothing less," he replied with a chuckle, "Come on, then, I need to talk to the other guy."

The process of changing back was a bit slower but just as painful as the the other. It almost always rendered Bruce unconscious, although he was getting better about it. He still ended up almost naked, clothed only in pants stretched to their limit, and looked about to pass out. There was a moment of confusion, then panic as he realized where he was.

"Oh god, Tony, I'm sorry, I don't know what-" his panicked apology was cut off by Tony pressing a hand to his lips, smiling fondly at him.

"It's fine," he said simply, "He didn't break anything, just pushed a few tables over."

"What?" Bruce looked around, as if expecting to see carnage that proved Tony was lying. There wasn't any, although one of the desks had been shoved a few feet to the right.

"We had a nice chat," he added, smirking as Bruce looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Yeah, what's that?"

Tony leaned over and touched his lips to Bruce's. It was gentle, nothing forceful about it to make sure Bruce knew he could easily push him off. He didn't, and Tony leaned back at Bruce's blushing, bewildered face. "I like you, too, big guy."


End file.
